I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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