I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
