The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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