i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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