You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
