i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
