Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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