I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
