i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
