Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
