I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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