Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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