Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
