Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf