someone threw a dead crab at me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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