i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i wish my penis had a tongue
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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