So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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