Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
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Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
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You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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