If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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