Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
