3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
