A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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