i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
