I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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