Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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