I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
