i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
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He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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