We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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