Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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