It was confusing and full of hummus
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
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in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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