My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
