it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
