Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
