Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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