Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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