I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
