Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
