This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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