Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
