dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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