i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
