is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
