I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
