why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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