Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
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Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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