Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
