we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
