I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
