Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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