if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
