I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize