i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
