nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
