I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
