you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
