Too much gin, very little bucket
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
