There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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