**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
