I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
