there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
