Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
