everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
