Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
