Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The best revenge is premature balding
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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