Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
