So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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