Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
