Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
