I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
