Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
